Flex Fox Fantasy

Holy fucking shit, it’s been a while since I wrote some power rankings. Before you puppets crawl up my ass and tell me I’m lagging behind on league content (which I am) I didn’t see any of you lemmings clamoring for any league content or making anything, pathetic, each and every one of you. In fairness, Tillo did drop a completely fire diss track mainly targeted at yours truly, and to a lesser extent Nesson, which is great, because it explains where Tillo’s attention has been this past off-season and this season, developing that track instead of focusing on his fantasy team, always a smart choice when your team is utter shit. Anyways, I digress, on to the rankings.

Playoff Tier

1. Club Europo de Flex (+ 1)
   Finally, Flex has come back... to the top of the Power Rankings (jk he’s never been here, at least not since I’ve been doing them and/or commenting on them going back many seasons). But let’s all stop and admire the fact that Flex is 5-0 with impressive victories over Chow, and the Squad. Sure, he’s going to lose to the Raccoons, but does anyone care about them anyway? 

2. Chateau du Fey (+1)
   I can’t believe I ever doubted Chow, in hindsight how could I have been so stupid? The greatest FFFF manager to ever walk this earth is a first ballot hall of famer when he hangs up his slack keyboard, and he has always toyed with us. Had he not lost to Flex in Week 6 I would have easily ranked him number 1 and even with that loss he was neck and neck with Flex for the top spot. Consider Flex and Chow more of a 1a and 1b.
   

3. The Juson Alliance (+ 7)
   To put Jemil’s season in perspective, he’s jumped up 17 (yes, 17) spots in the past two iterations of the Power Rankings, that has to be some kind of record. Jemil has absolutely crushed it, and let’s take a moment to give the man his flowers. Like a “coach of the year” Jemil has taken a team that was expected to be in the vase or bottom half of Europa and has taken it to a 4-1 start to begin the year. The true feather in his cap is his complete dismantling of Ryan this week to improve to 5-1, hands up if you saw this coming? That’s right, you all might as well be full amputees because none of you need your arms or hands to raise them. 

4. The Mad King (-3)

   I’ve wanted to take Ryan out of the top spot for a couple of weeks now, his points totals have been lagging behind (except when he dropped 300 on me) and his team, especially his bats have been struggling. I’m not ready to sound any alarm bells on anything, its week 7 and its only May, but a loss to Jemil where Ryan failed to put up even 200 points is very alarming. The saving grace for Ryan though, and something I truly believe is that his team is too talented on paper to be this bad for much longer, and when his team does wake up, I have no doubt he will be back at the top of these rankings.

5. Squirtle Squad (+3)
   Like that trusty car that never fails you, the Squad continue to remain rock solid, if uninspiring. They handily laid me out in week 6 and continue to show that they are a true force to be reckoned with. Every year the Squad finish anywhere from 3rd to 7th and frankly are the team no one wants to face in the playoffs. They appear to be locked into a similar path; you’ve all been warned. 

6. Kaos Reigns Over House Cruz (-1)
   Primed to be 4-2, I was thoroughly outclassed by the Squad in Week 6, and I thoroughly demolished Lim in Week 7. I beat the teams I’m supposed to and like most Toronto sports teams, my team withers when faced with any level of intense, impactful, competition. It’s a concerning trend but 6th in the power rankings and in the league is about the right spot for my team, at least for now.

7. Big Beefy Baseball Boys (+6)
   As some absolute moron pointed out on Slack, Graeme’s point totals do not support his current 4-1 (as we speak Graeme is absolutely getting his ass handed to him by Chow). But this is the point in the rankings where consistently is lacking and its all about record and ceiling. Graeme’s point total may not show a high ceiling, but his record (the only thing that really matters at the end of the season) says he belongs here.

8. The Starboys (+1)
   Ben continues to just chug along and is on his way to beating down a distracted and underperforming Tillo team. Like his idol perhaps Tillo should only talk shit if he’s on the field performing and managing his team. Back to Ben, I actually love his core nucleus and although his pitching may be his true weakness, this is something Ben can actively seek to address at the deadline to solidify his playoff status if he thinks he can compete. 

Europa Tier

9. A Measure of Force (+1)

   Is he primed for a third-place finish again? I doubt it, but he’s on his way to a 4-2 start with a recent victory over Nick. I don’t know what to make of Newton’s team still, so I’m putting him here as a placeholder for a team that will ultimately make the playoffs but won’t be super inspiring in doing so. Frankly anyone in the 6-11 range of the rankings could end up here. The difference between Ben and Garth is microscopic. 

10. Addicted Gooner (+10)
    
    My endless shit talking of Chris appears to have lit a fire under his fantasy players, as he has improved to 3-2 and is on his way to a 4-2 start after dismantling Tyler and putting up one of the best points totals of the week. To say I am surprised is a complete understatement, and I’m not really sure I’m buying it which is why I have not moved him up higher in these rankings.

11. The Man (No Change)
    Nick and Kyle can stay here for now, but like their Liberal party employers (or maybe just Nick’s employer) their track record is underwhelming and so far, only doing more damage than anything. If their players could vote them out of the manager chairs I am sure they would.

12. Director of the FFFBA (-6)

    Aidan has gone from being a fringy playoff team to a middle of the pack Europa team in a matter of weeks, so what has gone wrong? Simple, Aidan isn’t winning, winnable matchups. Ryan had a pedestrian week by his standards in Week 4 and Aidan could not take advantage. He barely beat Mike in Week 5 with a sub-200 point total and he is getting demolished this week by the Squad, while again failing to hit 200 points. If you can’t hit 200 points consistently you have no business being near the playoffs.

13. Midland Raccoons (+6)

    The Raccoons aren’t actually good right? Right!? (Looks around nervously). Dismantling Flex this week is startling, but maybe their players just got extra motivated to show that they are the premier Asian team in the FFFF. Consider that mission accomplished. 

14. 4th Quarter Jimmy Butler (-1)
    I’ve probably said too much about Tillo already in this article. His team isn’t good, his management of said team is worse, and only his rap verses are good. Maybe he’s in the wrong hobby.

15. Bash Brothers (-11)

    Injuries have dismantled this team. Its hard to really fault RKR for anything that has gone on here, but until he gets healthy, he belongs in this area of the rankings.

16. The Stadelmonstars (-1)
    Move along, nothing to see here, literally, maybe Vlad is heating up, but does anyone really care? Cottage weekend will be lit though.

Vase Tier

17. The Illuminati (-1)
    In today’s news, Walker Buehler is back, in still today’s news, Walker Buehler might just be shit after two Tommy John surgeries. Mike’s team is still bad and looking for a bat or even 4 isn’t going to solve that problem.

18. Stubby Clapp Clappers (-1)

    Please make a trade with me for the love of god.

19. Team 69 (-1)

    I’m sorry for what happened this week. 

20. Tyler’s Bomb Squad (-5)

    How is this team this bad? It almost defies logic.